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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509452">Heartache</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yrxole/pseuds/ySoda'>ySoda (yrxole)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Dangan Ronpa Spoilers, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Language, Fake Character Death, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I Made Myself Cry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), M/M, No Smut, Oma Kokichi-centric, Sad Saihara Shuichi, This is again a vent what have I done, Tired Saihara Shuichi, Why Did I Write This?, ft me pushing my problems onto shuichi, the love hotel but it's not sexual, this is dark I'm very sorry, this is my first time writing something like this, trigger warning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:56:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,848</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509452</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yrxole/pseuds/ySoda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just because the purple haired ultimate was a little selfish, didn’t mean he had no regrets. That was something that the others didn’t seem to understand.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Oma Kokichi &amp; Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>221</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Heartache</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N:</p><p>Hello, uhm.<br/>Let me start by saying that I don't usually write things like these, and I'm pretty sorry for it as well.<br/>It may be a little selfish for me to post this, I have no experience writing things like these after all and I don't want to leave a bad impression of myself on anyone, but sometimes I just need to out myself in a way, I guess.<br/>I am not trying to romanticize anything that has to do with suicide or tendancies, and you must understand that this is a very permanent thing that is very big for the people that lost someone to this. I'm not trying to unjustify your feelings or anything like that.<br/>That being said, I'm not doing too well. I have tried to get over myself by writing happy stories and just not thinking about it too much, since I feel somewhat awkward having to write things like these were I am more honest to myself than I'd like to be sometimes, but things need to be done sometimes. I think I'll be okay, so that's not much of a problem. </p><p>I'm sorry for the huge intro note.</p><p>Trigger warning: swearing, mentioning of suicide, suicide note etc<br/>-also, characters might be a bit ooc</p><p>It's fine if you want to criticize me, I'm sorry for writing this anyway, but I'm not sure how else to let it out.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kokichi Ouma squinted his eyes as he looked at the soft metal key through lidded eyes, lashes partially covering the obvious mistake he was making, but never once did it come up in his mind to actually stop what he was doing and to walk away. Well, of course he <em> thought </em>about stopping himself, but he knew there was really nothing to be done to his curiosity. Definitely when it wasn’t curiosity alone that had already pushed him to purchase the love key after multiple nights spend at the casino, but also quilt and fear of what might happen to him if he didn’t find some way to amuse himself after the events that took place not so long ago. </p><p>The other students seemed to think that the supreme leader of evil (although the of evil was actually an addition he put behind his title himself to make the others fear him perhaps a little more) had no conscience, or at least didn’t listen to it a lot. They thought there was no regret in the malice filled brain that was Ouma’s, and they were certain that everything he had done so far was just out of boredom or ill will. And honestly, it pleased Kokichi that he had managed to be so convincing in his role of an evil person, since he would need it very much if he was going to continue on with his plan to pretend to be the mastermind. Sacrifices had been made, sacrifices too big to stop himself, so if all he needed was a little moment of release from this prison of knowing what was going on, he would grasp onto the stupid key like it was a lifeline. </p><p><em> Sacrifices </em>, his mind mocked him. As if Gonta deserved to be called a sacrifice, after everything that had happened. It was easier said than done to block the thoughts that came with a heavy conscience, the burden he would need to carry now for the rest of his life was going to be harder to bear than he had anticipated. </p><p>Just because the purple haired ultimate was a little selfish, didn’t mean he had no regrets. That was something that the others didn’t seem to understand. They were quick to point their finger at him and call him evil, and honestly, it was all very useful to the supreme leader. He would rather have them think he was an actual evil little shit that was just out to harm them than for them to know what was truly going on in his head, a place with no rest for a person like him. Sure, before this killing game had started he didn’t feel the littlest bit bad at the crimes he commited as leader of D.I.C.E., but back then, it was different. Back then, he could trust himself. Back then, there was no murder involved. Now, he had to witness the deaths of people that he started to get to know during the whole ordeal of being at the “school”. He hadn’t exactly wanted to become friends with anyone, since he wanted to keep himself as sane as possible and bonding with eventual victims wasn’t great for one’s mental health, but it was unavoidable for the young male to see what good truly hid underneath some of the students that were around. Some of the students which he for that reason alone decided to torment just a little more than the others, so he could form a hopeful mutual resentment. It wasn’t the greatest tactic, but it seemed to work. </p><p>Getting someone murdered for the sake of being able to stop this killing game eventually and letting as many people as he could live, had its cons however. Such like the insane guilt and regret it left him, a feeling that was kind of alien to the trickster that was used to doing things that were usually considered <em> not okay </em> without any remorse for his actions. There was method to his madness, and if he had to be honest with himself, sometimes he wished there wasn’t. Sometimes, he wished he was actually the person he was trying to make the other contestants of the killing game believe he was. That would’ve been a far easier fate for him than the cruel one that was pushing his limits now. </p><p>‘Took you long enough’, his voice came out with no hesitation as long as he noticed the black and white themed bear in his room, that watched him somewhat curiously with the strange red eye that at first the supreme leader couldn’t help but to be fascinated about, although now he basically loathed everything about it. The key was not as heavy as he thought it would be as it pressed softly into his palm, his fingers clasping around it almost carefully. The metal, formed into a heart at the top, was shimmering a little from the vague light entering his room, almost mockingly. Still, the fact that even Monokuma seemed not to know what exactly was going on in his mind, he took at least a bit of pride in that as a small fake smile played on his lips. </p><p>At least the revelation that Ouma hadn’t been asleep yet seemed to have caught the bear a little off guard, but that didn’t stop him from acting like he usually would. ‘So, you were maybe the last person I expected to be giving a visit tonight, but I guess it can’t be helped, puhuhu!’, Monokuma told him, making sure to show his slight confusion, at which Kokichi rolled his eyes a bit and gestured for him to go on. ‘So, I noticed you were in the possession of the Key of Love. Now, do you need a little explanation on what it’s for?’, the black and white bear asked him, faking interest in the story that he was telling. ‘Why would I buy something I know nothing about?’, the supreme leader responded, folding his arms together, ‘I’m totally crushed that you would think that little of me. But fine, if it makes you happy, go do your little explanation thing so I can be on my way’. </p><p>After a bit of sulking about the fact that Ouma apparently already knew and he wasn’t really needed, Monokuma decided to talk anyway. ‘Fine, the hotel is one of a special kind. Upon entering you will find yourself in another student’s deepest desire, which can get a little… frisky, if you know what I mean, puhuhu!’, the bear roared with a big grin. ‘The person you’ll be visiting is in a dreamlike state and you’re supposed to play the role that’s given, otherwise they’ll probably wake up and the experience will end earlier than is needed. Who will be in there, I cannot tell you: you’ll notice once you set foot in the room that’s given to you!’. </p><p>‘Fine, okay, I don’t care, now just lemme go to the damned hotel mister Monokuma’, Kokichi bounced on his bed impatiently as he glared at the robotic bear. Luckily it didn’t call for too much convincing that the boy was ready to go, and he was outside of his assigned room earlier than expected. </p><p> The hotel itself was grand and a little intimidating, if the boy had to be honest. There was just a strange type of aura around it that he couldn’t quite comprehend, and it made the sane part of him turn on his heels and get out of there, but with a wide and by his peers considered creepy grin Ouma still stepped forward and opened the door that was in front of him. He somewhat expected to be right inside the dreamstate that Monokuma was talking about, but instead he found himself in a hall that reminded him of other hotels he had been in when he wasn’t in this situation that made the talented students kill each other. There was what could be seen as a human Monokuma sat behind some sort of counter that made him seem like a receptionist. Tilting his head in curiosity, the supreme leader made his way towards the person. ‘The key?’, is all that the Monokuma-receptionist asked as they didn’t even look up at the purple haired ultimate. Eyeing the tag that was on his uniform which said <em> Monoreceptionist, </em>very creative, Kokichi just huffed and dangled the weirdly shaped key in front of him. ‘Here, now can I go in, weirdo?’, he asked the receptionist, that nodded his head towards the hall. ‘Proceed’. </p><p>The fact that any of the students that were still alive could be on the other side of the door he was supposed to enter soon should have been at least a little frightening, but frankly, Ouma couldn’t care less. Every ultimate had their good and bad sides, and every single one of them could have something useful to the supreme leader in their fantasy. Like a new way to mess with them, for example. And if he truly was scared of certain people’s fantasies, he could just act like a clown as he was used to, and make the experience end quicker than it was supposed to. It wasn’t his problem if the student he was going to bother in their fantasy now would get some bad experience out of it if he ended it soon, and besides, it wasn’t like they would remember Ouma was the one that was at fault. It would be funny to toy with whoever was inside of the room anyway. </p><p>Even if he subconsciously knew all this, it still took him a deep breath and a moment of calming himself down to step towards the hall, and enter it. At the back was the big pink door that he knew was supposed to be the one that lead to it’s room, and strangely enough, a name seemed to be carved in there. A spark of curiosity from that alone made the boy manage to follow the path that led up to this door, to see for himself what was written in the painted wood. The name couldn’t help but to make him at least a little wondered for just what was waiting for him in there.</p><p>
  <em> Shuichi Saihara. </em>
</p><p>‘Shumai? Hmmm…. alright’, Ouma muttered as he let his fingers touch the carved wood, blinking at the name that was for some reason staring back at him almost in a taunting manner. Perhaps finding out about some of the detective’s desires wouldn’t be too bad of a deal for him, since he is supposed to be the protagonist in the group of students. If he knew a way to embarrass him further than he already managed to, that would just be a bonus to finding out how one of the favorite subjects to his tricking was actually wired. Perhaps he wasn’t as polite and calm as he tried to seem, perhaps there were dark secrets hiding in him that he wouldn’t want people to find out about, definitely if the person would be Ouma. With that thought he smirked a little, thinking about what expression of horror Saihara would make if he were to guess correctly at his actual thoughts after this. He would remember small bits, at least that was what Monokuma had told him, whilst Shuichi wouldn’t know anything happened. It was a bulletproof plan. </p><p>Still, he stopped himself from entering the room when he wanted to. <em> Someone’s biggest desire is pretty private, you know </em>, the sane part of his mind was again nagging him for his actions, making the supreme leader frown a little. Yes, it was private. He wouldn’t want others to snoop around in his thoughts, if he could stop them from doing so. The thought that maybe some of the students had already witnessed him in his most honest moment was horrifying, even if they wouldn’t exactly remember what had happened during the “dream”. Something private like that shouldn’t be seen, definitely not by him. After he managed to kill a big sweetie that Gokuhara was, he had even less the right to invade other’s thoughts after the horrible experience, and he knew this. </p><p>‘I didn’t kill Gonta, shut up’, Ouma mumbled to himself as he forced an eye roll and set his hands on his hips, trying to convince his mind of what he wanted to believe. ‘Monokuma did. And he <em> agreed </em>to our plan. Now come on Ko, you’re not a wimp’. Of course he made a sacrifice to get what he wanted on later, but wasn’t everyone at least a little selfish sometimes? Surely it wasn’t his fault that Gonta decided to grasp the chance of leaving this place after knowing what was going on outside, and he had every right to. As long as he could tell himself that, the guilt was at least not the biggest trouble on his mind anymore. </p><p>‘Besides, everyone hates me anyway. I shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to know their secrets, they’re stupid anyway’, Kokichi finished to justify his actions, as he placed the key in the keyhole it was supposed to go, before turning it. The little click sound it made was not even close to as satisfying as it would be to just pick the lock, but he wouldn’t try to risk that if he had the easy way to enter on hand anyway. </p><p>Before opening the door, he tried to prepare himself for what was coming. From observing the other ultimates around him he could of course form at least some sort idea of their personalities and things like that, making him figure out the way they would react to certain types of things in advance, but Saihara had always been a bit of an outcast to this. At least that made him less boring in Ouma’s mind, but it became close to frustrating when he would figure out a lie that he wasn’t supposed to figure out. Of course the trickster could play it off as a joke, but now that Shuichi was getting more observant, he wasn’t sure which one of the two could say more about the other, and he didn’t like not being in full control over the situation. Whatever. Shuichi’s fantasy would probably be something really stupid anyway, very homely and domestic and gross like wanting to spoon or cuddle after a long day of work and him being stressed, since he seemed like the type that would just want someone to love on him and be there for him. It would be way funnier if his desire was something way more embarrassing though, so that was what Kokichi hoped for in the end as he turned the doorknob as well and pushed it open. ‘Shuichi~ I’m here!’, he called out, happy as his voice had the same annoying ring to it as usual. </p><p>The first thing that Ouma noticed about the room was how bright and how <em> pink </em>it was, hurting the supreme leader’s eyes, which he covered to calmly adjust to the bright lights in the room. Not only the walls were red and pink, but everything was heart themed and gaudy and very, very ugly, making the boy wonder who was in charge of the design of this place and why they were hired in the first place. The room seemed to have everything one could need for a more… adventurous night as well, making him cringe a little bit. The strange horses that were trailing around the bed like some sort of attraction were laughable, and laugh he did. It truly was a hopeless room, something he hadn’t expected to see up till now. He wasn’t sure whose dream was supposed to look like this, but he knew that he would never come up with this himself if he was in this situation. </p><p>The second thing he noticed was the lack of response from the ultimate detective that was supposed to be in the room. </p><p>Eyeing and taking in the room better now he was used to the light, he spotted a strange lump under the covers of the bed with bright pink bed sheets, the angle from which he could see this made him unable to realise whether it really was the blue haired detective or not, but it was still the conclusion he came to. ‘Ohhh, so that’s why you’re not responding, you’re asleep!’, he called out loud enough, waiting in place for a moment. He could only hear the sound of the mechanism that was used for the horses that trailed around the bed, as the rest of the room stayed in utter silence at his call. He had never thought of Saihara to be the heavy sleeper type, but perhaps in his fantasy he just wished to be. </p><p>Ouma groaned softly and skipped closer to the bed with a pout; Shuichi was supposed to entertain him after all, he wasn’t supposed to be sleeping already. ‘Wow, what a great way to great me when I’m back!’, he again called out foolishly loud, lips pressed in a thin line as he tried not to get irritated at the lack of response from the student whose fantasy he was visiting. Sure, he expected something lame, but he didn’t expect Shuichi to be <em> this </em>lame. Tapping his lips in an annoyed way as again there was still no response coming from the other, he huffed as his frown only deepened. ‘C’mon, this shit’s boring if you let me do all the work, you know?’, he complained, folding his arms over his chest. Still not a word. He rolled his eyes, and contemplated on maybe just leaving, but against better judgement he still made his way towards the bed anyway. </p><p>Now he could see a bit of blue hair coming from behind the headboard of the bed, proving his theory that Shuichi was indeed in bed, although it was a little strange how straight up the male was sitting. Or at least, that he wasn’t lying down completely. ‘Shumai, come on, at least gimme something to work with!’, the supreme leader again whined, tapping his foot against the ground in frustration. If things were going to stay like this, it was not going to help feed his curiosity while taking away the guilt on his mind at all. </p><p>Getting to the side of the bed however, he noticed the bed sheets were a little more crumpled than he’d thought they were when he stood closer to the door, and now he was getting a good look at Saihara, his frown changed into more of a concerned expression. At least he was a strange sleeper, that was what he could conclude from what he was seeing. Eyeliner had stained the male’s cheeks as his eyes were closed strangely relaxed for the way he seemed to be laying against the headboard, which definitely couldn’t be a great thing for his neck now that Kokichi thought about it and he would definitely feel that later. However, Ouma’s eyes really widened once he noticed a small and faint stain of red to the boy’s chin, and for a moment there, he felt his breathing and his heart simultaneously stop as he could only stare at the form of the detective in his bed. <br/><em> <br/>Did this place just start to smell like blood, or did he just not notice before?  </em></p><p>Now that he let himself think about it, the metallic smell entered his nostrils forcefully and made his mind go a little fuzzy, as he took a step back in fright. Words were on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t speak them as his throat felt like it had closed itself up, just realising how pale Shuichi really was. He normally was pale of course, and had those bags under his eyes that he tried to hide with the makeup he wore, but it was a little worse now than he could remember. ‘...Shuichi?’, he managed to get out, no nicknames this time, as he eyed the sleeping male. Or at least, he prayed to the so called atua if that Angie had been worshipping all this time if he had to, that he was in fact just <em> sleeping </em>. </p><p>A panic had already risen in his chest, he was not prepared for something like this to happen. ‘V-very funny, come on, wake up’, he stammered a bit, not knowing he was capable of doing so, as he reached out to the male with a shaking hand and gripped onto his cheek softly, stroking the skin. </p><p>
  <em> Cold. He was so very, very cold.  </em>
</p><p>With a shriek he pulled his hand back, and could feel himself place it in front of his mouth as to not let out any other noise. He was alone in the room, there was no body announcement so there was still a bit of hope left in his heart as he closed his eyes tightly to calm himself down. Usually he didn’t get this freaked out over one of the other ultimates being… in a situation like this, so he didn’t fully get why he was freaking out now. Maybe it was just because it truly caught him off guard, or perhaps when he said he wanted to steal the male’s heart he hadn’t actually lied, which was a little strange since he was sure of that lie before. The easier thought was that now he was alone, well, basically at least, so it was easier to show how he was really feeling, and he stuck to that explanation for the time being. </p><p>Gulping softly and his chest feeling tighter as he reached out to the blankets to reveal what was going on, he stopped once he noticed a small note that was folded on the covers that were covering most of Shuichi’s frame. He blinked, and he wasn’t sure if he would have been more glad if there was no note at all. Still, he picked the thing up, and opened it, deciding that nothing could freak him out more than what this was starting to look like. </p><p>‘<em> Dear whoever is reading this, </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> First of all, I would like to say I’m sorry. Since I’m not sure who you will be, I’ll just guess that I at least knew you to some degree since you’ve actually bothered to come looking for me, and I hate to disappoint like this. I’m sorry for making those around me hurt more than I thought I was capable of, and I’m sorry for opening up at moments I shouldn’t have, while keeping to myself at times that I wasn’t supposed to. I’m sorry for not fulfilling my tasks like I should have and like everyone else has been doing, and I’m sorry for everything else my mind is too hazy to think about right now. </em> <em> <br/></em> <em> I want you to know that I have no regrets, at least in this regard. There are many regrets left for me among the people that I will miss, but I hope that this will resolve a fair amount of that. It was to happen sooner or later. I don’t suppose you have any emotional value to me, but if this is the case, I’m sorry for that too. I shouldn’t have dragged you all down as much as I have.<br/></em> <em> Please don’t look at the mess I’ve left behind. I truly don’t wish to burden anyone with this, which is why I have tried to cover up as much as I could. I hope my explanation was enough, though I doubt it. Also, please tell my uncle that you found me, if you can. Don’t feel pressured to fulfill my last wishes, I completely understand if you can’t.<br/></em> <em> Goodbye. ‘ </em></p><p>Kokichi blinked at he looked at the paper that was in his hands, the words slowly becoming more blurry until he wasn’t able to read them any more. ‘...What?’, he managed to mutter out, blinking. His eyelids felt a little sticky and he knew what was happening, although he didn’t exactly want to acknowledge this. </p><p>This wasn’t what he was supposed to see. </p><p>The thought kept pounding in his brain and making his head hurt. He wasn’t supposed to see this, he wasn’t. He was supposed to turn away, he was supposed to see Shuichi smile at him and love on him and need him and maybe even cry in his chest so he could hold him and make him feel safe in a strange fantasy, anything, <em> anything but this. </em>It couldn’t be happening, it shouldn’t be happening, it wasn’t right. It wasn’t okay. His head was pounding while his heart felt like it couldn’t, as he bit his lip harshly. </p><p>And for whatever reason, he couldn’t help himself but to try and proof to himself that this wasn’t real, and he was just playing some sort of cruel joke on him. So hesitant, step by step, he neared the bed again, his eyes wider than he thought they could get. His breathing had gotten irregular and strained his movements, <em> his chest wasn’t rising and falling underneath the covers. </em>He grabbed onto the soft fabric with trembling hands, swallowing down the horrible feeling in his throat, as he pulled. </p><p><em> Blood, so much blood.<br/></em> <em> <br/></em> His own blood ran cold at the sight of crimson staining the pale male, opened injuries that had been made seemingly a little while ago dark and red against the skin as was the stains that the action had left, leaving Kokichi to let go of the blankets and fall backwards in shock. His chest tightened worse than before, his heart a heavy burden to carry for the young ultimate. ‘No, no’, he shook his head, shivering as he felt his whole body ran cold now, and he forced himself to get up again as he went to Shuichi’s side, holding his cold face in both his hands. ‘Shu, look at me’, he said to the boy, a pleading tone in his voice he wasn’t aware he was capable of. ‘Look at me’, Ouma repeated, even prodding at his eyelids a little that forced a sniffle to leave him as there was no response. ‘C-come on, just look at me, just a second, <em> please Shuichi’ </em> , he whimpered as he stroked the skin tenderly with his thumbs, feeling the red stain the shirt he was wearing as he was hunched over the detective. ‘Shu, come on, g-get up, let’s get out of here’, his voice quivered as he spoke, and he would have been extremely embarrassed at the way he was behaving if it wasn’t for the scene in front of him. Salty tears dropped down onto the pale face of the pretty detective, the <em> good </em> detective, the one that he himself had tortured to no end ever since he came to this place. ‘I-I.. I had a plan, come on now, open your eyes, Shuichi!’, he choked out a strangled sob as he let go of his face, and stepped back quickly, his body still limp and falling over as it was hunched against the headboard of the bed. </p><p>‘I-it’s not real, this isn’t real!’, Kokichi reminded himself as he turned on his heels after being unable to see Saihara like this any longer, before he dashed out of the room as fast as he could. </p><p>His heart and his ears were pounding now as he rushed down the hall that he didn’t remember was this long, his feet hurting as he stepped but pushing his legs to carry him away from the frightening scene anyway. His chest was tight, his heart was heavy and his thoughts were darker than he’d ever noticed them to be before. </p><p>The sight of the receptionist that looked like Monokuma didn’t sadden him more, it just brought up an immense anger he didn’t even know he possessed. Skillfully Kokichi darted over the counter which surprised the receptionist, as he grabbed onto his collar forcefully and used the counter as a way to be taller than the person, yanking him closer and forcefully looking him in the eye as he could feel a growl rumble in his throat, which he managed not to let out. ‘What is this place?!’, he yelled harshly at the receptionist, shaking him as he held onto his collar tight in a way that made his knuckles go white. ‘Answer me, <em> damn it </em>! What the Hell is this place?!’. For reasons unknown, the Monokuma didn’t seem phased even the littlest bit by this, as they just eyed Ouma the same way they had before. ‘It’s just a Hotel to show one’s biggest desires, their fantasies. Wasn’t that what you were interested in, to begin with?’, the receptionist asked calmly, to which the supreme leader let go of his shirt and stepped away from him. </p><p>That couldn’t be right. That would mean… Shuichi’s desire was… </p><p>‘This isn’t right, I need to find him’, Kokichi shook his head frantically as he eyed the door for his grand escape. By mentioning this the receptionist actually seemed a little more frightened than before, and defensively they held onto the forearms of the supreme leader. ‘You can’t, you need to finish the fantasy and fall asleep in here’, the Monokuma explained, almost in a pleading tone. Ouma struggled against his grasp and managed to get rid of the hold as he staggered backwards. ‘I don’t have to do shit!’, he exclaimed, before he dashed out of the front exit of the hotel. </p><p>As soon as Kokichi could breathe in the outside air he felt himself calm just a little bit, although his head did start to feel a little weird, but he didn’t pay much mind to that fact as all that was on his mind was the fact that he needed to reach Shuichi’s room. Passing the casino and the other places that were part of the school, he could hear the loud sound of his footsteps echoing on the stone path, but he didn’t care; neither did he care about how tired he really felt now he thought about it. He reached the door of the room that belonged to Shuichi earlier than expected, and rang the doorbell. </p><p>No response.<br/><br/>‘Come on, come on, come on’, the purple haired ultimate groaned as he rang the doorbell again, before giving this tactic up and deciding to take matters into his own hands. He started to pick Shuichi’s lock. Even though his hands were shaking and it took longer than usual, he was able to open the lock anyway, and he pushed the door open forcefully as he rushed into the boy’s room, not caring about privacy for the time being. </p><p>The lump that was in Shuichi’s bed as far as he could see from where he stood at the bed almost made the supreme leader have a heart attack at the memory of what he had seen in the love hotel. </p><p>Without hesitation Kokichi ran over to the male and pulled the blankets that were covering him away. </p><p>There was no blood, and there was no eyeliner staining the detective’s face either, as he wasn’t wearing any makeup now he was in bed. Slowly Ouma reached out to his face, and felt it wasn’t as cold anymore. It was a pleasant warm, and just because of this fact he could feel tears form at the corners of his eyes; something that wasn’t necessary at all, and he tried to push them away as quick as he could. The best was that, probably because of the cold now that the covers weren’t hiding his pajama-clad body anymore, the detective stirred a little in his sleep, and a breath was being let out by the purple haired male that he didn’t know he had been holding. Again without hesitation Kokichi clamped himself onto the other, his head on the detective’s chest, a gesture he never thought he would want to give anyone anymore in his life. His heart was beating rhythmically against his chest, a sound and a feeling that couldn’t have made the supreme leader happier, even if just a while ago he was convinced he wouldn’t care at all if the Shuichi were to pass away. </p><p>He felt a bit of movement underneath him. ‘....What’s.... going on?’, Shuichi’s voice sounded a little groggily and like he was still half asleep, a sound that pleased Kokichi more than it should have. He looked up at the bluenette, seeing his eyes were still closed lazily, and it reminded him of what he had seen before, making him frown a little. ‘Shush, go to sleep, Saihara. And don’t you dare die on me’, he added quietly after that, feeling the strands of soft hair from the boy around his fingers. Although the basically asleep Shuichi happily gave into the stimulation at his scalp that the shorter male was giving him, he seemed not to be out of it completely, as he still managed to sound a little shocked in his hazy state when he muttered ‘...Ouma?’. </p><p>Kokichi rolled his eyes and held himself up as he was hunched over the boy. ‘No, it’s jesus coming to say hello to you, open your damn eyes moron’, he snarled perhaps louder than he should have as the nose of the detective cutely scrunched up at his harsh tone. The bluenette’s eyes fluttered open, although they weren’t exactly that open yet and a little glossy as he hummed. ‘What are you doing here?’, the detective murmured the question, a soft sleepy hum following again. Kokichi booped his nose almost aggressively as he stayed on Saihara, eyeing him sternly. ‘You better not die, because if you do, I’m gonna kill you, and that’s not a lie’, the supreme leader threatened as a response, to which the bluenette blinked lazily. </p><p>‘Whatever you say, please let me sleep’, Shuichi muttered tiredly, letting his eyes shut again. </p><p>‘No, I’m staying here’, Ouma protested confidently as he felt his breathing calm down now that Saihara had talked enough to show that he was indeed still there and everything had just been a… fantasy. A fucked up fantasy, that is. </p><p>‘Okay, but know that I’ll beat your ass tomorrow when I wake up’, the bluenette yawned as he, very contradictory to what he was saying, let an arm wrap around the smaller male that was laying on him. Carefully the purple haired male slid off him and not caring about the clothes he was still wearing he joined the detective underneath his covers after closing his door again, and he didn’t mind when the boy basically curled up to him as he was half asleep, even if he would probably hate him for it the next morning, since they weren’t exactly supposed to be on good terms. </p><p>‘Worth it’, Kokichi muttered to Shuichi, noting the soft hum of acknowledgement from the other as he kept his arms around his body, feeling the heartbeat of the bluenette to his skin and finally being able to let his eyes close as well.</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N:</p><p>Yes I'm unable to end fictions badly even though I feel like shit<br/>Thanks for reading anyway, and I don't know who needs to hear this, but I hope you're okay. Stay safe, and it's never too late to get healthy. Getting knocked down once doesn't mean you'll stay down forever, getting knocked down twice just gives you experience to help yourself get back up again. There is no shame in needing someone's help, and in needing affection from those who you love.<br/>Stay strong, I care.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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